A new “after the Rapture” email service has been launched. Unlike other post-Rapture mailing services, the You’ve Been Left Behind website allows the customer to edit all documents and addresses at any time. This online site is run and programmed by Christians. It employs a “dead man’s switch” to automatically send the Emails after the Rapture of the Church has taken place. Multiple safeguards have been put into place to prevent premature sending of stored documents.
I think this might be my new favorite thing.
We have set up a system to send documents by the email, to the addresses you provide, 6 days after the “Rapture” of the Church. This occurs when 3 of our 5 team members scattered around the U.S fail to log in over a 3 day period. Another 3 days are given to fail safe any false triggering of the system.
So what happens if none of the team members are raptured? What if all of them are simply doing this for cynical reasons?
In case you’re wondering why:
The unsaved will be ‘left behind’ on earth to go through the “tribulation period” after the “Rapture”.
Imagine how taken back they will be by the millions of missing Christians and devastation at the rapture. They will know it was true and that they have blown it.
But it’s not just a way to say I told you so!
In the encrypted portion of your account you can give them access to your banking, brokerage, hidden valuables, and powers of attorneys’ (you won’t be needing them any more, and the gift will drive home the message of love). There won’t be any bodies, so probate court will take 7 years to clear your assets to your next of Kin. 7 years of course is all the time that will be left. So, basically the Government of the AntiChrist gets your stuff, unless you make it available in another way.
You can say “I told you so!” AND make sure that the Government of the Anti-Christ doesn’t get your stuff!
What could be better?