Picnic Table Fucker: An Update

In April, I posted a story about a picnic table fucker.

In case you were wondering how it turned out, the guy was sentenced to six months last week:

BELLEVUE, OH — Police say a man was arrested after admitting to, and being caught on DVD having sex with his picnic table repeatedly.
Investigators say they received a tip that Art Price Jr., 40, of 146 Brinker St. in Bellevue was having sex with a picnic table while outside on the deck. The incidents occurred between January and March 2008.
Police say on March 13, the tipster dropped off three DVDs which showed Price in the act. On four occasions, Price is seen naked and masturbating in the rear room near the open doorway; he then comes out to the deck. He tilts the metal round picnic table on its side and lays up against it and has sexual intercourse with the table. Afterwards he cleans the table and the deck.
Police say the the incidents occurred close to Ridge Elementary School.

Um, I’m more worried about the people who recorded the picnic table fucker than I am about the guy who likes to fuck picnic tables. Everyone has his or her own fetishes. His fetish just happens to be picnic tables.

But, the article doesn’t state that school children could see the picnic table fucker, just that he fucked the picnic table near a school. What does that mean?

And surely, if one of my neighbors were a picnic table fucker, I’d probably just go to his door and ask him to stop fucking the picnic table outside. I’m sure he’d be so embarrassed that he would gladly oblige.

But who the hell tapes a picnic table fucker fucking a picnic table four times?


5 responses to “Picnic Table Fucker: An Update

  1. “But, the article doesn’t state that school children could see the picnic table fucker, just that he fucked the picnic table near a school. What does that mean?”

    This is called sensationalism and it is how the media controls the masses. The journalist probably didn’t think that enough people would be outraged at this guy’s behavior so he/she add that tidbit and invoke the “save the women and children” mentality. I have to wonder what is the definition of “near” here? across the street? one block? quarter mile? a mile? I would be willing to wager money that this guy’s deck was not visible to the school.

    As for the videographer, get used to it… Orwell was off by about 30-40 years by my estimates.

  2. Did the picnic table consent? I think that’s key.

  3. Terrant, I fear that your words are prophetic.

    Why do so many Americans feel the need to be busy-bodies?

  4. Zen, ha! Great question!

  5. Zen, you owe me diet coke because this one just went through my nose. 🙂

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