NFL Picks – Week 3

Last week’s record – 10-4

Record for season – 19-10

% accuracy for season – 66

This week’s picks are based on which team’s mascot would kick the ass of the other team’s mascot.

Kansas City at Atlanta – Tough one, but I think an Indian chief would beat a falcon pretty easily.

Chiefs win.

Oakland at Buffalo – Raiders are pirates. Bills are basically large cows. Pirates are carnivores.

Raiders win.

Tampa Bay at Chicago – Easy. Bears eat Pirates.

Bears win.

Carolina at Minnesota – Panthers are large and scary predators. Vikings are, as well. I’m giving the edge to Minnesota because I think Nordic hoards would easily kill a panther or two.

Vikings win.

Cincinnati at New York Giants – I’m not sure how the NY team means its name. A giant as in the giant from Jack and the Bean Stalk or a giant of industry, like Donald Trump? But when I think about it, a tiger could easily eat most any giant.

Bengals win.

Arizona at Washington – Racial slurs aside, is there any team’s mascot that couldn’t beat a cardinal?

Redskins win.

Detroit at San Fransisco – Lions versus drunk guys who pan for gold?

Lions win.

Miami at New England – Any patriot could easily kill and eat an America-hating dolphin-fish.

Pats win.

Houston at Tennessee – Texans make me think too much of our current president, and I’m sure that any real titan would defeat Bush.

Titans win.

New Orleans at Denver – Hmm. The battle of the wussy names. But I’m thinking if the Saints really are saints, the Broncos will stampede them.

Broncos win.

St. Louis at Seattle – I gotta go with Seattle. I think a seahawk would be glad to eat the guts of a dead ram.

Seahawks win.

Cleveland at Baltimore – The Browns are named after Paul Brown, or some former owner of the Browns? Though the Ravens were once the Browns, I think a raven is far more threatening than a brown.

Ravens win.

Jacksonville at Indianapolis – A jaguar would easily hunt, kill and eat a young horse.

Jaguars win.

Pittsburgh at Philadelphia –The eagle is a beautiful and noble bird. It’s too bad for it that steelworker could easily kill and roast an eagle.

Steelers win.

Dallas at Green Bay – I hate cowboys and that whole Texas, “tougher than you are” attitude. Meat packers are tough people who are able to kick the asses of cowboys.

Packers win.

I don’t like most of these picks, but they are the ones I have to go with.

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2 responses to “NFL Picks – Week 3

  1. hehe…you had to stretch for that Browns thing, huh?

  2. Heh. That really was a stretch. Even with our Cleveland connection, the Browns’ name makes me chuckle.

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