Category Archives: football

NFL Picks – Week 3

Last week’s record – 10-4

Record for season – 19-10

% accuracy for season – 66

This week’s picks are based on which team’s mascot would kick the ass of the other team’s mascot.

Kansas City at Atlanta – Tough one, but I think an Indian chief would beat a falcon pretty easily.

Chiefs win.

Oakland at Buffalo – Raiders are pirates. Bills are basically large cows. Pirates are carnivores.

Raiders win.

Tampa Bay at Chicago – Easy. Bears eat Pirates.

Bears win.

Carolina at Minnesota – Panthers are large and scary predators. Vikings are, as well. I’m giving the edge to Minnesota because I think Nordic hoards would easily kill a panther or two.

Vikings win.

Cincinnati at New York Giants – I’m not sure how the NY team means its name. A giant as in the giant from Jack and the Bean Stalk or a giant of industry, like Donald Trump? But when I think about it, a tiger could easily eat most any giant.

Bengals win.

Arizona at Washington – Racial slurs aside, is there any team’s mascot that couldn’t beat a cardinal?

Redskins win.

Detroit at San Fransisco – Lions versus drunk guys who pan for gold?

Lions win.

Miami at New England – Any patriot could easily kill and eat an America-hating dolphin-fish.

Pats win.

Houston at Tennessee – Texans make me think too much of our current president, and I’m sure that any real titan would defeat Bush.

Titans win.

New Orleans at Denver – Hmm. The battle of the wussy names. But I’m thinking if the Saints really are saints, the Broncos will stampede them.

Broncos win.

St. Louis at Seattle – I gotta go with Seattle. I think a seahawk would be glad to eat the guts of a dead ram.

Seahawks win.

Cleveland at Baltimore – The Browns are named after Paul Brown, or some former owner of the Browns? Though the Ravens were once the Browns, I think a raven is far more threatening than a brown.

Ravens win.

Jacksonville at Indianapolis – A jaguar would easily hunt, kill and eat a young horse.

Jaguars win.

Pittsburgh at Philadelphia –The eagle is a beautiful and noble bird. It’s too bad for it that steelworker could easily kill and roast an eagle.

Steelers win.

Dallas at Green Bay – I hate cowboys and that whole Texas, “tougher than you are” attitude. Meat packers are tough people who are able to kick the asses of cowboys.

Packers win.

I don’t like most of these picks, but they are the ones I have to go with.

NFL Picks – Week 1

Why the hell not?

Thinking about Palin, Obama, Bush, McCain, and Republicans has my head hurting, so why not make some NFL picks?

I’m just a casual fan, and the only team I usually follow is the Colts, but I won’t let my lack of expertise keep my from making my own picks. They can’t be worse than those of many experts.

Seattle at Buffalo: Seahawks win.

Isn’t Jim Zorn doing something somewhere these days? I haven’t known how to read Seattle since they moved to the NFC.

Tampa Bay at New Orleans: Saints win.

New Orleans deserves to win after most of their fans were evacuated last week.

New York Jets at Miami: Jets win.

Brett Favre should have retired and been forever a Packer. But sadly, Miami is so bad that Favre and the Jets should win easily.

Jacksonville at Tennessee: Jaguars win.

The Jags are a great team. It’s just sad for them that they play in the AFC South, so they have to face the Colts twice a year.

Detroit at Atlanta: Lions win.

Becuase I am still pissed at Michael Vick.

Houston at Pittsburgh: Steelers win.

I’ve enjoyed my time in Pittsburgh much more than my time in Houston.

Kansas City at New England: Patriots win.

The evil Patriots always win. Unless they choke.

Cincinnati at Baltimore: Ravens win.

Didn’t the Ravens have a great defense a couple of years ago? Or somehing?

St. Louis at Philadelphia: Eagles win.

The Eagles are good, and I don’t like driving in and around St. Louis.

Arizona at San Francisco: 49ers win.

How many games have the Cardinals won since they moved to Arizona? 2? 12?

Carolina at San Diego: Chargers win.

The Chargers practice in a climate that is far more comfortable than that of the Panthers.

Dallas at Cleveland: Browns win.

I hate the Cowboys and feel an affinity for Cleveland and all of its joblessness and its immigrant community.

Chicago at Indianapolis: Colts

Because the Colts should win their first game in their new stadium. And I just want to Colts to win.

Minnesota at Green Bay: Packers win.

If the Packers win a lot this year, Favre will be really pissed, and that might be fun to watch. And the Packers are damn good.

Denver at Oakland: Broncos

Denver is a consistently good team, while Oakland is consistently bad. When was the last time a Raiders’ fan scared anyone?

Those are my picks for week one. I have a feeling that they won’t be too different from the predictions of the NFL experts.