Category Archives: sports

NFL Picks – Week 3

Last week’s record – 10-4

Record for season – 19-10

% accuracy for season – 66

This week’s picks are based on which team’s mascot would kick the ass of the other team’s mascot.

Kansas City at Atlanta – Tough one, but I think an Indian chief would beat a falcon pretty easily.

Chiefs win.

Oakland at Buffalo – Raiders are pirates. Bills are basically large cows. Pirates are carnivores.

Raiders win.

Tampa Bay at Chicago – Easy. Bears eat Pirates.

Bears win.

Carolina at Minnesota – Panthers are large and scary predators. Vikings are, as well. I’m giving the edge to Minnesota because I think Nordic hoards would easily kill a panther or two.

Vikings win.

Cincinnati at New York Giants – I’m not sure how the NY team means its name. A giant as in the giant from Jack and the Bean Stalk or a giant of industry, like Donald Trump? But when I think about it, a tiger could easily eat most any giant.

Bengals win.

Arizona at Washington – Racial slurs aside, is there any team’s mascot that couldn’t beat a cardinal?

Redskins win.

Detroit at San Fransisco – Lions versus drunk guys who pan for gold?

Lions win.

Miami at New England – Any patriot could easily kill and eat an America-hating dolphin-fish.

Pats win.

Houston at Tennessee – Texans make me think too much of our current president, and I’m sure that any real titan would defeat Bush.

Titans win.

New Orleans at Denver – Hmm. The battle of the wussy names. But I’m thinking if the Saints really are saints, the Broncos will stampede them.

Broncos win.

St. Louis at Seattle – I gotta go with Seattle. I think a seahawk would be glad to eat the guts of a dead ram.

Seahawks win.

Cleveland at Baltimore – The Browns are named after Paul Brown, or some former owner of the Browns? Though the Ravens were once the Browns, I think a raven is far more threatening than a brown.

Ravens win.

Jacksonville at Indianapolis – A jaguar would easily hunt, kill and eat a young horse.

Jaguars win.

Pittsburgh at Philadelphia –The eagle is a beautiful and noble bird. It’s too bad for it that steelworker could easily kill and roast an eagle.

Steelers win.

Dallas at Green Bay – I hate cowboys and that whole Texas, “tougher than you are” attitude. Meat packers are tough people who are able to kick the asses of cowboys.

Packers win.

I don’t like most of these picks, but they are the ones I have to go with.


NFL Picks – Week 2

Last week’s record – 9-6

Record for season 9-6

% accuracy: 60

I’m basing this week’s picks on which cities I prefer.

Chicago at Carolina: Easy. Bears win. Chicago is one of the greatest American cities.

Bears win.

Tennessee at Cincinnati: I don’t like driving in Cincinnati.

Titans win.

Green Bay at Detroit: Tough one. I have never been to Green Bay, and I loathe Detroit. I’m picking the Packers because I like the idea of a publicly owned team.

Packers win.

Buffalo at Jacksonville: I respect Buffalo’s blue-collar work ethic.

Bills win.

Oakland at Kansas City: I don’t care.

Chiefs win.

Indianapolis at Minnesota: I have to go with the Colts. Minneapolis may be nice, but the Colts must win.

Colts win.

NY Giants at St. Louis: Have you ever spent a night in St. Louis? I did and it was terrible. And I enjoy being in New York.

Giants win.

New Orleans at Washington: Washington is a cesspool, but it’s the cesspool of OUR leaders.

Redskins win.

San Francisco at Seattle: Tough one. These are two of the most beautiful American cities. But I think San Francisco is more beautiful than Seattle.

49ers win.

Atlanta at Tampa Bay: Atlanta has the Coke museum.

Bucs win.

Miami at Arizona: My dad and stepmother live in Arizona.

Cardinals win.

San Diego at Denver: I love both cities, but San Diego has the beach and proximity to Mexico going for it.

Chargers win.

New England at New York Jets: New York is my preferred city, but I would be stupid to bet against the Pats, even if Brady is out for the season.

Patriots win.

Pittsburgh at Cleveland: Where is Sipe when you need him? Cleveland rocks!

Browns win.

Philadelphia at Dallas: I don’t care for Dallas, but I am giving the Cowboys a pass because of Ike.

Cowboys win.

Baltimore at Houston: Will this game be played? Probably not. But if it is, I like soft-shell crabs more than I like whatever Houston has to eat.

Ravens win.

I’m liking this method of picking NFL winners.

NFL Picks – Week 1

Why the hell not?

Thinking about Palin, Obama, Bush, McCain, and Republicans has my head hurting, so why not make some NFL picks?

I’m just a casual fan, and the only team I usually follow is the Colts, but I won’t let my lack of expertise keep my from making my own picks. They can’t be worse than those of many experts.

Seattle at Buffalo: Seahawks win.

Isn’t Jim Zorn doing something somewhere these days? I haven’t known how to read Seattle since they moved to the NFC.

Tampa Bay at New Orleans: Saints win.

New Orleans deserves to win after most of their fans were evacuated last week.

New York Jets at Miami: Jets win.

Brett Favre should have retired and been forever a Packer. But sadly, Miami is so bad that Favre and the Jets should win easily.

Jacksonville at Tennessee: Jaguars win.

The Jags are a great team. It’s just sad for them that they play in the AFC South, so they have to face the Colts twice a year.

Detroit at Atlanta: Lions win.

Becuase I am still pissed at Michael Vick.

Houston at Pittsburgh: Steelers win.

I’ve enjoyed my time in Pittsburgh much more than my time in Houston.

Kansas City at New England: Patriots win.

The evil Patriots always win. Unless they choke.

Cincinnati at Baltimore: Ravens win.

Didn’t the Ravens have a great defense a couple of years ago? Or somehing?

St. Louis at Philadelphia: Eagles win.

The Eagles are good, and I don’t like driving in and around St. Louis.

Arizona at San Francisco: 49ers win.

How many games have the Cardinals won since they moved to Arizona? 2? 12?

Carolina at San Diego: Chargers win.

The Chargers practice in a climate that is far more comfortable than that of the Panthers.

Dallas at Cleveland: Browns win.

I hate the Cowboys and feel an affinity for Cleveland and all of its joblessness and its immigrant community.

Chicago at Indianapolis: Colts

Because the Colts should win their first game in their new stadium. And I just want to Colts to win.

Minnesota at Green Bay: Packers win.

If the Packers win a lot this year, Favre will be really pissed, and that might be fun to watch. And the Packers are damn good.

Denver at Oakland: Broncos

Denver is a consistently good team, while Oakland is consistently bad. When was the last time a Raiders’ fan scared anyone?

Those are my picks for week one. I have a feeling that they won’t be too different from the predictions of the NFL experts.

Indianapolis Wins 2012 Super Bowl

Good news for Indianapolis.

Yeah, I’m feeling a little bit of civic pride since Indy will host the Super Bowl. It’ll be good for this kinda dorky city to get national exposure, and it should bring a lot of money to the city.

That’s all great.

But what I find most intriguing about the Super Bowl in Indy is that the city is using this opportunity to try to redevelop the Near East side of the city, which is in dire need of help.

The city’s plan is to build upon efforts already going on in a neighborhood where 36 percent of the households live below the federal poverty level and that was devastated in June 2006 by the killings of seven family members in a home robbery on Hamilton Avenue.

“The plan is to make us a neighborhood of choice rather than a neighborhood of last resort,” said Tracy Heaton, president of the Near Eastside Community Organization.

It (the legacy project) calls for turning around an area twice the size of Fall Creek Place, a redevelopment project in a 17-square-block area near Downtown that transformed a crime-ridden neighborhood into one that attracted $75 million in private investment.

I work on the Near East side of Indy. As a neighborhood, it’s a total fucking nightmare, full of abandoned houses, drugs, and violence. If the project helps to rebuild the area while allowing low-income families to stay in their homes, the Super Bowl might be 100 times better for the city than I thought it would be.

Here’s hoping that the Super Bowl in Indy will mean a lot more than a football game and street parties in the middle of winter.