I’m against torture. Really, I am.
I’m glad that Obama is going to close Guantanamo Bay and I don’t think that torture is in line with our country’s values.
But if a television network tortures extremely vile self-centered people who claim to be celebrities? Meh. Ok, count me in.
Of course, I’m talking about “I’m a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here.”
I’m sorry that I feel compelled to blog about this. But I do. After all, I’m only human.
Since I last mentioned this piece of schadenfreude theater, we learned that these people named Heidi and Spencer Pratt, who are apparently more popular than the Beatles because of their love of Jesus were fighting with the other castmembers who included Lou Diamond Phillips, Sanjaya from American Idol, an intoxicated and mean model named Janice Dickinson, Fundie Baldwin, and a bunch of other people were put in the jungle to fight and eat bugs.
Since then, for some reason I will never understand, I went back and watched the rest of last week’s episodes and tonight’s show after I learned that the loathesome Heidi and Spencer had been tortured by NBC.
In last week’s episodes, we got to see Phillips’ hand chewed on by rats, Janice fighting with some guy about something because she was in a drunken rage, and one of the many people I’ve never heard of get kicked out of the jungle by the American people. And Fundie Baldwin baptised that Spencer prick because that Spencer prick loves Jesus and wants to be like Fundie Baldwin in three years. Oh, and then Fundie Baldwin’s brother Fat Baldwin joined the cast.
But the most important part of last week was that Heidi and Spencer left the show because they were far too important to hang out in the jungle with a bunch of other people no one has ever heard of. And then Jesus talked to them and told them to go back to the jungle.
Tonight, Jesus let them go back to the jungle, but before doing so, they were forced to spend the night in some kind of a dark room with spiders. They got through it (that room really looked not much worse than my Peace Corps house) and then went back to camp in good spirits.
Everything seemed to be fine until Sanjaya endured some reptiles and amphibians in a tank of water.
Then that Heidi pretended to be sick and another “celebrity” left the jungle for good. Heidi went to the hospital after mumbling something about Jesus. Patty Blagojevich then sad something about how hard her life is. And then the “celebrities” were upset about not getting enough lobster (seriously!) and we learned that that Heidi and that prick Spencer will never, ever return to the show.
The previews tell us that Heidi’s sister, no doubt another loathesome child of privilege will join the others on Wednesday and that some of the celebrities will “fight.”
I really have no idea why I care, but that’s the nature of irritainment.
And the torture allegations?
“Any accusations that Spencer and Heidi were harmed are untrue,” says the source. “There was no danger, no life-threatening situations — in fact, they were actually protected from the elements, unlike the other contestants.”
Well, a guy can dream.